Monday, 11 June 2007

The Idiot Box

20th November 1982. The harvest was plentiful that year. It was also the year a city bred teacher decided to settle down for the first time in their village unlike all the others who had gone before him. And the teacher happened to buy a plot of land from him to build his house, and he had never seen such a large amount of money at a single time when he handed him the agreed amount for the land. It was a good year indeed and it was fitting that a village headman had his barn full and his treasury to the fullest, a good example for all the village folks.

Every time the MLA came to their village, usually before the election, he came with a promise of building a road which he called ‘jeepable’ to the village. At the beginning of the new government term they would start the road project but it never did last long, and they have been waiting for the road forever.

When one had such a load of cash, it called for a trip to the city to get new clothes for the children and their mother, and new tools for the whole family for the shifting cultivation. Perhaps they could afford a new gun too. The trip to Aizawl usually takes eight hours straight on foot, through moors and hills; plains and valleys. He travelled with a few other villagers who were going for the same purpose of getting supplies.

In Aizawl he decided to stay at his old friend's, who moved to Aizawl many years ago and had struck it reach by becoming a government contractor and supplier. He left his bag at his friend’s and went out and shopped for the things he came for.

When he came back from the market at dusk his host looked genuinely happy to see him. They exchanged information about their families and they talked at length about the village and the abundant harvest of the year. They were sitting comfortably at the living room after supper and when the dishes were done his host’s younger son Sawmvela opened the sliding doors of a box on the table, and as he pressed one of the buttons, the box came to life with a noisy sound. He fiddled with some of the buttons and then there were moving pictures on the screen.

Mr. Changa watched the whole thing with utmost interest and he could not figure out what the box was all about. It was not a cinema which he had seen a few times in his village when some people from the government came to show them some films about health and other things. He could not keep quiet any longer and he inquired from his host what it was all about. And he was told that the box was called a TV. They were playing hockey on the box and his eyes got glued to the box. When he asked of the price of the box, his host’s reply made him gape, and he thought, “That is worth almost a whole year’s harvest!”

The neighbours started to pour in to watch what they call the Asian Games. And farmer Chang never moved nor flinched from his seat which was a much coveted place as the floor was full of people trying to get a good place.

He was trying to figure out why in the world they called the box a TV. Does it stand for Tukverh, which means ‘window’ in his native tongue? “It may well be so,” he thought “because it had a sort of a window frame at the front which could be closed when not in use.”

The electricity went out at 11 o’clock and he took a leak after everyone had left and slept, dreaming about the box, and how it would make his wife and children happy, and how they might entertain the whole village if he could just have one. Oh, yes, how wonderful it would be to have such a box. They would take it to the farm hut, and watch the moving pictures during a break in the rice fields. They would entertain all the folks who came out to help in the harvest, and what a prize asset it would be for him and his household. He tossed and turned on the bed and sleep was hard to come by even with his tired body after a whole day’s journey.

The next day he went to the big market and he was happy that he could get all his supplies and the clothes for his family. As he was walking down the street, a large crowd gathered at one place and he was obliged to join them and he could see at the front a display of the picture box again, and they were showing a hockey match between India and Malaysia.

That night, after a community gathering infront of the picture tube, he spent half the night in bed, turning and tossing, thinking and dreaming about the picture tube again. He had a troubled sleep that night.

The next day he left after the morning meal, and he said goodbye to his host and his family. On his way to the rendezvous with his village folks, he had to pass through the big market and there was a big crowd at the same place as the day before, watching the picture tube in the shop. And he could not help to go in and ask the price. He felt a sting in his stomach when he realized that the price was almost as much as a year's harvest. But he decided to forget a new gun, a verbal dressing down from his wife for buying such an idiot box for the joy that was set before him in possessing such a magnificient treasure. He perspired slightly when he made the decision to buy the tube, especially when he handed over the money. He smiled when the shopkeeper said, 'Neighbour's envy, owner's pride.' It made him proud already.

“I need to write your name here,” said the shopkeeper, “for the guarantee.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means if the television set develops some problem within one year we will repair it for free or in case of a technical defect we can even give you a new one.”

“That sounds wonderful. Please write Mr. Changliana, headman, BPO Sakawrtui.”

After the paper work was done he handed him the big box and Mr. Changa finally became the official owner of a picture box, the first ever in his village. Just wait till you see the envious and admiring faces of all the village folks!

When he reached the rendezvous, Thana, the village youngman asked him, “U Chang [*meaning Big Brother Chang or frog], what in the world is that?”

“Help me get this to the village, and you will have a free entry to my household to watch pictures all day long!”
With that Thana did not ask any more questions. He lifted up the box, a strong young man that he was, and carried it on his shoulders. Better be quiet and do the hard labour and be in the good book of the village unofficial banker, so Thana had learned a long time ago.

The journey took them much longer than the normal time, all because of the box. But it was worth it, yes, every step of the way. So when they arrived at the village finally the word of the arrival of the wonderful picture box spread like wild fire and Mr. Changa’s house was full of the village folks in no time at all.

He remembered what the shopkeeper had told him. “Open the door, press this button,” he had said, “put up the aerial like this, and the picture may not appear at first. You must turn this knob to tune it, and soon you will have the picture stark clear.”

He slid open the door and sure enough the button was exactly where he remembered it. He pushed it in, and he waited for the screen to come on and he was as excited as the village folks who waited with bated breath to see what the picture box could show. Five seconds…one minute…two… “Why did nothing happen? Push the button again? Oh yeah, let me give it a try.” He pushed the button again, and this time he turned the tuner and all the knobs around both ways. Three seconds…two minutes…four…nothing’s happening. “What could have gone wrong? I am sure this is what the shopkeeper told me. Now what is wrong?” There was no ready answer.

Chhuma, his five year old came near to him, and he could see his reflection on the TV screen, and he declared happily, “Daddy, I can see myself on the screen!” At the declaration, the children at the inner circle of the crowd suddenly moved forward to see their reflections on the screen and it got too crowded for comfort in the end and he had to shoo them away instantly.

After a few more tries the proud owner of the picture box, the headman of the village had to admit defeat and he felt humbled and humiliated and he was ready to curse the shopkeeper who took his half year’s salary in exchange of the idiot box which was not working anyway. All his dreams of entertaining the farmers in his farm had come to nothing. Then a thought came to him. “Oh, yes, who but the teacher would know about such a sophisticated piece of equipment?” At the utterance of the teacher’s name, more than five children had already left the house to call him.

There was such a disappointment in the whole village when they learned that the teacher was away to the neighbouring village to negotiate the marriage of one of the villagers. After his humiliating failure, every villager had a good look at the moving picture machine. Some lifted it up, trying to figure out how much it weighed, some turned it upside down, some right side up, some sideways, and it entertained them not only for that night but for many nights to come as everyone talked about either the idiot box, or the idiot who bought the box. And they had more to talk about when the teacher revealed that the picture box needed what he called an electric current, a generator or a wet cell lead acid battery. When the ‘jeepable’ road construction was finally finished five years later, they turned on the picture tube briefly for a night by borrowing the battery from one of the first vehicles that arrived in their village.

As it turned out Mr. Changa was thinking eleven years ahead of his time as the village was electrified only eleven years after he bought the idiot box; long after he migrated to Aizawl, to become a government supplier and contractor with the help of his old friend. Since then he had done a lot of travelling to Assam and West Bengal, and sometimes as far as Amritsar, to get supplies for the government. The job paid well especially when he paid the government Babus well and soon he could afford to buy a car of his choice.

As his driver drove him out of Mizoram Run he reminisced about the past, of the idiot box and the village and it brought a smile on his face. “It’s been twenty five years already, hasn’t it?” he thought to himself and the driver sped off towards the beautiful hills, leaving a trail of dust behind, trying to run away from the heat and humidity of Silchar. “Run, to Mizoram run!” he cheered on from the back of his 2006 Mercedes-Benz B-Class, not realising that it rained the night before in the hills and a landslide near Kolasib had blocked the only road to Aizawl. As he fell asleep at the back of his chauffer driven car, he dreamt of Switzerland and it was beautiful and clean; best of all it was in the hills in the east. Soon he was awakened by the bumpy ride through the pot holes in a fool’s paradise in this west side of Myanmar. They got stranded for two nights and he waited for the road to be cleared, hungry and angry, at the back of his car.

Saturday, 9 June 2007

The End Begins

Silent night, eerie silent night,
A distant sound of a hound's howl;
And a humming mosquito for company
In a hot and humid summer night.

Moonlit night and starry skies,
Vain thoughts of departed angels;
A lonesome soul and his long-distance love,
Pathetic knight in a dimming armour.

Squeaking bed at every toss
Summer silent night in a darkened room
Sleepless night inside a suffocating net
Under the non-spinning ceiling fan.

Cherished pains and relived lives,
That meaningful madness and solid lonesomeness.
Indulgence of man's mind
Over the rose-tinted memories of yesteryears.

A search for misplaced letter in a whole room
Forgotten corners turned upside down.
Hot summer's day and road blockade,
Silent Sunday and no worship.

Joyful melancholies and sweet sorrows
Hazy clear sky and coloured water.
Meaningful vanities and saneful madness,
Here the end begins!

Friday, 8 June 2007

Via Dolorosa


Jerusalem, Jerusalem!
The city of peace,
What had befallen you?
Why did your children scatter,
and what's the uproar all about?

Your songs of joy and praises
had turned into songs of hatred and war.
The peace that you longed for had left you.
Your battle cry had become
"Crucify him, crucify him!"
Crucify who?

Jerusalem! the apple of God's eye,
My eyes look up to you.
On your streets are the footprints
of my Lord and my Saviour,
the One you crucified.
My Saviour walked through your streets,
Via Dolorosa to Golgotha,
The road to Mount Calvary,
on which the price was paid-
The road to death and crucifixion!

Now let us follow in his footsteps.
Let us go beyond the city walls,
through Via Dolorosa,
the street of suffering
and the street of shame-
To suffer and to die for him,
To die for him who was crucified.




Musings on Craps

(After many people have read of this account in Laisuih (circa 2002), I am posting it here again, dear Blogophilus, for your perusal and pleasure. May you find it edited and more palatable to your excellent taste).
It's Friday the 13th for a Holden Caulfield kinda crap. I love it. I mean I love the book if you really want to know the truth. I love it when someone like Salinger writes a book with a crap like Holden Caulfield in it. I have had a helluva time reading it. It killed me.

That day's one of the most forgettable days of my life, not because that it was Friday the 13th and all. I don't believe in that kind of crap. I am not that superstitious. I find it so funny, ridiculous rather, when the scientific and seemingly rational western minds are still so mindful of doing certain things on Friday the 13th. It's so unreasonable to let your mind governed by insignificant things like a black cat crossing your path, or walking under the ladder, or why do you need to touch wood when talking about your future at all, etc, etc. It's all crap.

That day was forgettable for the simple fact that I happened to meet old Vanhlena, an old acquaintance I can do away with. He's the phoniest guy you've ever known. He's not ugly or anything like that. He's fair and quite handsome too, I must admit. He always looks like he just had a bath. He looks fresh and all. Fact is, he never bathe himself. He just washed the parts which were supposed to be showing outside his clothes. And he just sprayed deodorants and perfumes all over his body and his clothes. I have seen him done that more than once. He always talks in a sophisticated way, very phony, a Mr. Know-it-all. Scratch the surface and you find that he knows nothing at all. He just acts like he knows. He sounds intelligent, hi-fi and all when he's nothing like that. He's a fake. He wears good clothes- clothes that last for a hundred
years, everlasting clothes. He has been wearing them since I first met him 50 years ago.


He saw me loitering in the volleyball court, and when I saw him too there was no escaping him. So, I thought I might as well endure his phony ways for the last time, once and for all. I don't fancy too much of putting up with him anyway. He's damn polite, over-polite, in fact. That's one of his lousy traits that drives me mad every time we meet. He seemed pleased to locate me since he had that wide smile on his face. A smile way too wide it caused his eyes to close down. He had a piece of paper in his hand. And he read what was written on it, aloud, after he said his phony polite 'hi' to me.


Chhinlung is a big stone which is used for sealing the mouth of a cave in China. It is much like the stone that the angel rolled away from Jesus' tomb. (Some say an angel, some say an earthquake. I'm not too sure). It was a stone in China, anyway. There was this big cave in China from where the ancestors of the Mizos were supposed to have originated. Some of them were prevented from coming out of the cave by sealing the mouth with a big stone. That big stone is called chhinlung.

'Did you write this?' he laughed at me.

'The handwriting looks familiar to me,' I quipped, fearing for the worst.

'Did you write it?' he asked me in a mockingly loud tone.
I wasn't deaf or anything and he needn't had raised his voice. I hate it when some lousy pervert like Vanhlena shouted at me.

'The handwriting is very similar to mine. Where did you get it from?’


'Did you write it?' he asked again for the hundredth time.
It annoyed the hell out of me when a phony guy like Vanhlena asked me the same lousy question for a hundred times. It really did.

'Yes, I wrote that,' I said with a tone of finality.
Well, there was this one Assamese guy named Ashok, a Research Scholar, staying at the Chhinlung Halls of Residence (NEHU, Shillong). He had wanted to know the etymology of the Mizo word chhinlung, and had asked me about it. I had promised to do a little research for him, but I was too busy and too lazy to read any book on it. I finally wrote that darn thing for him after he had asked me for about a hundred times. I wrote that thing for him, for him alone, not for a gossip-monger like Vanhlena. I had no idea how it ever got into his lousy hands.

'It's grand. Just grand,' he laughed.
Grand. I hate that word so much. It sounds so phony, just like him.

'What's so grand about it anyway?' I asked in annoyance.

'Boy, you seem to know so much of the Mizo History, especially about chhinlung. That's simply grand.'
Grand, my foot! Then he brought out another piece of paper from his pocket. The lousy back pocket of his hundred year old pant. He read it aloud again when he didn't need to be so loud at all. I wasn't deaf or anything like that. My perception is quite good. If I am with, say, a hundred people, I would be the one who perceives the sound of a pin dropping down the floor. I am not deaf, believe me. But he read it aloud anyway.

Sensiar is a beautiful bright red flower which grows only in Mizoram in the very remote past. The bright red colour of the flower is so distinct that it has magical powers. If anyone possessed the flower he could make anyone fall for him no matter how ugly or poor he is. Sometimes a fine powder is extracted from the sensiar flower, and it is used as a cure-for-all medicine. It is said to be good for treating cancer and AIDS. The scientific name of the flower is Sensiara indica. Effort is on to cultivate the flower in every part of Mizoram in a large scale.

'You wrote this too, I bet. Would you mind me asking who it is for?'
He's always mocking me, the sonofagun.

'Yes, I did write that! Yes, I wrote it for Zomawii. She needed it for her valedictory speech in the Sensiar Halls of Residence. What is that to you anyway?'
He laughed like a hyena. The phony guy. He laughed so hard he shed his tears, and he shook
like a mad man. The lousy guy.

'You are a very good writer, a great Historian, in fact. That was an eye-opener for me. It truly was. You know so much about sensiar. And you wrote it for Zomawii, you say? Why didn’t she write it herself? She’s a Mizo, and she should know, the
promiscuous girl!'

'She's a Mizo, yes! But she does not know a thing about sensiar. So I just did her a favour, and I helped out a damsel in distress, okay. Now, come off it!'


'She's no good damsel in distress. She's a flirt, and she's promiscuous. That's the truth. She had flirted with every other guy in this damn hostel,' he complained.
I smelled blood at that remark, and I wasn’t one to let it pass by when I got the chance. So, I cornered him with this question.

'Well then, If she were to flirt with you, or act promiscuous with you, what would you think of her then?'
Zomawii's a very comely girl. She's good, really, she's very beautiful. And I was sure that a lousy pervert like Vanhlena wouldn't be able to resist her for long if she should give the green signal, or made her advances at him. It quietened him. Then, I asked again.

'If Zomawii were to flirt with you, or act promiscuous with you, how would you think of her then?'
He just gaped at me. He was speechless.

'C'mon, what would you think of her then?'
I caught a glimpse of it coming with the side of my right eye but it was too fast that I couldn't escape it. His big fist landed on my right cheek. He was mad at me for asking him too good a question. Good question, no answer. He's a mad dog. I was forced to step back, and my cheek hurt like hell.

'What's that for, c'mon, what the hell is that for?'
I shouted at him like mad. I had wanted to hit him back then. To devour him, to teach him a lesson. But I didn't. I wasn't yellow or anything, believe me. I was trying hard to restrain myself. And then the hostellers started to come out of their rooms to see what was the matter.


Vanhlena left without a word. I had wanted to call him back then. To let him kneel infront of me, and to let him apologize. But I didn’t. I wasn’t yellow though, believe me. I was just restraining. The others started to gather around me and I soon found myself in the middle of a big crowd. Then I felt my nose running, and I wiped it with the back of my hand. Blood. Blood! My nose was bleeding.


I didn't know why she happened to be there. But Zomawii was there in the crowd. She came over to me and took out her hanky and started to wipe my bloody nose clean with everyone watching us and all. Her hand felt so smooth and her hanky smelled so good. I don't know much about Ladies' perfumes, never did, but I was sure it was one of those expensive foreign perfumes. She wiped me clean with her hanky. Chemistry! The chemistry between us was so strong, at least half of the crowd could feel it, I was sure.

'What was the fight all about?'

She asked me in a trembling voice, full of concern.

'It's not important. It's just one of those guys' things.'
I was trying to act tough, virile and all, but she would've none of it.

'No, it's important to me.'
It's important to her! Her voice was so sweet, so vulnerable, so full of concern for me, you see, it melted my heart. Then I told her, I had to.

'I was trying to save your ass here. I was trying to protect your reputation.'

'Oh, really, how was that?'
She got interested as hell even as she nursed my wound, wiping me with her foreign perfumed hanky. And the guys looked on at us with envious eyes. They were dying to be in my place. It killed me.

'He said you were a flirt, promiscuous and all. I wouldn't agree with him. I hated that with all my heart, and I countered him. That's it.'
She turned all red out of anger. But still she looked beautiful. I loved her, almost, then. The strange thing about beautiful girls is that they still look beautiful even when they are angry, or sad, or happy. The problem with us is that we always look the same, ugly, no matter how we feel.

'That sonofagun! I am going to teach him a lesson, I swear!'
And then she held me by the arm and accompanied me to my room while all the guys looked on with those popping eyes of envy. I almost felt like giving my heartfelt thanks to Vanhlena for giving me that big hit. It didn't come without a prize. If it's always going to end like this, with Zomawii nursing me, holding me, and accompanying me to my room with all those hungry eyes staring at us, then I don't mind staging another fight with a phony guy like Vanhlena at all. That's all I am going to tell you for now about that day.


My fight with Vanhlena, and Zomawii's nursing me afterwards became the hottest topic in every
conversation. It became the talk of the Campus for the whole damn semester. I didn't know why. I just didn't understand. After a little while everyone knew more about that fight than I did. And they soon said that Zomawii and I were true lovers while Zomawii and I never knew about that love affair between us. We didn't even see each other for that matter. Everyone said that we were more like man and wife, having a live-in relationship and all. Fact was very different though. Zomawii had her own boyfriends, not I, which she kept on changing every other month. And I never had any girl. People talked, you know, especially those campus crowd. It annoyed the hell out of me. It’s total murder. The murderers. We were included in every gossip, and in the end I almost came to believe what they said about me. The gossip-mongers! There simply was no entertainment other than to gossip about people having fights, falling in love and all those stuffs. It was so suffocating. But that was their mentality. You can’t change them overnight even if you try as hard as I did.

It's been some years now, and I kind of miss all the people I just told you about. I shouldn't have told you about all these craps. It made me feel bad all over again. Anyway, they are not here anymore. Vanhlena is somewhere in the highlands now, doing what he does best - winning over phony people with his phony ways, the deceiver. It suits him fine. I kind of miss him in a way. I wonder if he still wears his everlasting clothes. I am dying to know that. Old FH's learning the art of flirting with teenage schoolgirls in the school he is working now. He has not succeeded so far. Zomawii still looks young inspite of her age. She's a grandma now at least by her age. She still flirts around a lot but never with Vanhlena, the lousy pervert, nor with me. That's unlucky in a way. Most of the Mizo students still don't know much about the true meaning of chhinlung or sensiar, they are not too interested in their roots at all. The Campus crowd still gossips a lot, or so I heard. And I remain, a Holden Caulfield kinda crap, having a helluva time musing over all these craps, and waiting for Godot. Hope? And there are still some hypocrites who are hoping that some promiscuous girls would focus their attention on them, and would misbehave with them. It kills me.

Strangers

PART I


The day was hot and sunny and he was very thirsty when he arrived at the ticket counter. And there she was, sitting comfortably under the fan. When he asked for a cup of water she pointed him to the water filter at the far corner of the room. He looked over there but saw no cup, and he made it an excuse and she nonchalantly got up and poured out a cup for him and asked, “What can I do for you?”


He took the cup from her hand and gulped it down and handed the cup back to her, asking for more and said, “I have to go to Guwahati tonight and I wonder if I could get a seat.”

“I am sorry sir, the coach is already full tonight, may be you could try other travel companies.”

She was in her late twenties, looking graceful and beautiful and she was wearing a loose blouse and a skirt. As she stood up to pour him more water, he could see her whole body and was surely distracted by her figure.

“That’s exactly what I have been told three or four times today, and I was directed to come to you. Is there no way you could fit me even in the cabin?”

“I don’t think so sir. I have already issued five extras for that and the driver and conductor would have no more passengers inside the cabin.”

Just then a porter came in and said, “There’s a band at Hnahthial because they are not happy with the government for not delivering their promise to them. I think you will have to cancel the bus to Lunglei tonight.”

“Do you mean a Bandh?”
“Yeah, a band.”

“Why did I not read about that in the paper this morning. And why was I not told this long before?” she thought to herself but the manager had not got back yet so she could not really scold the porter who volunteered the message to her. The porter left and the ceiling fans were spinning furiously as if trying to propel the whole building to the sky. The room was deserted except for another porter who was dozing off at the corner. There were some posters on the wall with something about how incredible India was. The room was swept clean but there was a half-smoked cigarette sticking out of the ashtray at the centre of the wooden table.

“Excuse me miss. Everything has been a failure for me today. I applied for a passport three months ago but I could not get it even today. They asked me to come back week after week. I have been invited to go to the States on a very urgent and important business and today I finally decided to go to Guwahati to go to the Regional Passport Office myself. But I have been told of the unavailability of seats counter after counter. Are you sure there is no way I could somehow get on the bus?”


“I am very sorry for your trouble sir. I wish I could help you now, but you will have to come back tomorrow.”


“Are you really sorry for me?”


“Yes I am.”


“Can I request one simple thing from you?”


“Yes you may.”


“Since there’s no other customer here, can we go downstairs and spend just one hour alone together. I will pay you five hundred.”

The girl was taken aback at such a direct approach and was blushing. And she stuttered a little when she spoke to him in anger.

“Sir, please don’t speak to me like that. I am not that kind of girl. Who do you think you are?”

“800?”

“I am not interested in it. Just leave me alone!”

“1,000? Just an hour and we’ll do nothing.”

“So, just because you are going to the States you think you can approach a girl like that? And you think I am not going to find out about someone who has been invited to the States from the local newspaper? I am going to expose you and you are going to be sorry for this!”

She was shaking a little when she vented her anger at him.

“Please calm down and reconsider. I don’t mean to offend you at all. I just want to spend a little time with you. I promise we won't do anything.”

“Please leave before I call the manager.”

She seemed very angry and he turned around and saw a young man entering the ticket counter and then he left the ticket counter slowly. He could feel her angry eyes burning the back of his neck and he smiled at himself for the effect.

As she got calmer she thought of what he said and she found the whole thing somewhat amusing. “That man. That strange man…what…1,000 for nothing? Doing nothing?" she smiled at the absurdity. She had done a lot of nothing with someone for nothing. And there was serious money to be made for nothing and then it was nothing.

He had checked the building thoroughly before he entered the lounge and he knew that there was no downstairs to go to but cliffs. And the fact of the matter was that he was not invited to go to the States, and he did not even need a passport. All he needed was a ticket to Guwahati, not the girl. He has a lovely wife whom he loves. And he could never afford to throw away even a hundred rupees for nothing. He made sure of that- Mr. Chawngthianga has always been very frugal all his life!

PART II


The day was hot because of the scorching sun. The winter had been very long and before Spring actually begun it was already summer and there were not a lot of people on the street because of the heat. A customer left his cigarette burning in the ashtray but the room was swept clean other than that. There were some Incredible India! posters on the wall, and she readied herself to continue her M&B under the fan. Two of the ceiling fans at the lounge area were spinning at top speed and she turned off one of them. Just then a porter came in and asked her where to keep the parcels and she told her to leave them near the cloakroom. He said to her as he was leaving, “There’s a band at Hnahthial because they are not happy with the government for not delivering their promise to them. I think you will have to cancel the bus to Lunglei tonight.”

“Do you mean a Bandh?”

“Yeah, a band.”
She was wondering why the manager did not mention it before he left for home and she stopped herself from venting her frustration at the porter who volunteered the message to her. She put down her book when she saw a young man with a spiky hair approaching the booking counter.The young man had a funny Southern twang and she had seen the likes of him before. He had an air of confidence and she could make out that she had been out of the state for a year or so in the way he behaved and talked.

“May I help you?”

“I really need a ticket to Shillong tonight. If I don’t go tonight I am going to be late for my admission. Please help me get a ticket.”

“I am truly sorry for your trouble but we are already full for tonight. It might be better for you to go to other companies as soon as possible.”
He was wearing a mobile phone on his neck and it was not possible not to recognize that he had one, since he kept on pressing the keys all the time. He appeared to be dialing someone but she could see that he was not dialing anyone at all but pretended to talk on the phone without even taking his leave and he shouted, “Helloooo, Andy, can you hear me? Hellooo?”

And he continued the act to impress her as he said in English, “Please tell Professor Lyngdoh that I will be late for the classes for a few days because I cannot buy a ticket at all. It’s so frustrating, man! Please ask him to forgive me. Thank you Andy. I’ll see you real soon. Real soon, Man!”

She was back to her book when he got back to her, and it started to annoy her like hell.

“Miss, may I ask you one thing?”

“Yes, you may.”

“Are you the one I saw on the Demand Channel last night? Yes, I bet you are the one who sang Myterious Love, Naw?”

“I think you are confusing me with someone else. I am not the one.”

“As if…I am sure you are the one, Naw?”

“No, I am not the one. No.”
He was beginning to see the futility of talking to her as he obviously had not make any great impression on her. His was to miss the obvious things most of the time anyway.

“Can I offer you kwai?”

"Excuse me?"

“Oh, I am so used to saying kwai that I don’t realise I am in Aizawl. I mean do you eat kuhva, can I offer you one?”

“No thanks. I don’t eat betel nuts.”

“Have you ever been to Shillong?”

“No, I have not been there. You won’t believe it, I have not even been to Silchar!”

“It’s a really wonderful place. Very near from here, you should definitely go there one day. And if you ever come I can take you wherever you want to go. I will leave you my phone number.”

“Thanks for your kind offer, but I don’t think I’d go there anytime soon. A pity though.”

“So, you have not been to Silchar? Well, there’s nothing much there anyway. Shillong’s the place to be. That’s where it’s at! Have you been to Champhai?”

“Oh yeah, that’s where my family’s from. We moved here only eight years ago. But we go there once every other year for Christmas and have a family reunion of sorts, with all the cousins and relatives.”

“I see. I have never been there, and I’d really like to go there one day. Anyway, if you ever manage to get to Shillong please look for Michael C. Chhunkiauva, most people would know the name.”

“For sure. I have been meaning to go there, especially since my nieces and nephew are in a boarding school and they always tell me of how beautiful it is there. And my sister left yesterday to be with them for a week and she asked me to fill in for her job here. But I have been too busy, and besides I usually fly direct to Delhi and to stop over at Shillong does not really work out for me.”


Just then a mobile phone rang, and she excused herself as she brought out a mobile phone from her handbag which has a camera of 2.5 megapixels and it quietened him and made him want to hide the one he was wearing in his neck. He left without saying a word.


PART III


The day was very sunny and it was becoming hotter by the day. The phone rang and I put down a copy of Reader’s Digest when I realized that she was not planning to answer the phone. It was him alright. There was no mistaking the fact that he was after something. He has been a friend for a long time, but sometimes because of his eccentricities and his unusual views Jane had some reservation about associating with him too much in public at least.

So I picked him up and drove him all the way to Thuampui even though I had to miss a home cooked lunch as I needed to go back to the office as early as possible.

The travel agency was not so busy during that time of the day and it wore a deserted look except for a young man with a baggy pants, with a cell phone dangling from his neck who was leaving the counter as we entered, and a porter who was dozing off peacefully at one corner of the room, and I kind of envied him for his ability to have a nap in such a place and in such a condition. There was a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the coffee table but the room was quite clean other than that. There were some Incredible India! posters on the wall.

The clerk at the booking counter looked twentyish and she was on her mobile phone. The two ceiling fans were spinning furiously at top speed but I still could hear her voice through the noisy spinning fans.

“How could you withstand all these things day after day?!” she shouted on the phone with a somewhat neutral tone yet with a little bit of excitement.

“…oh yeah, you are married after all. But still then, I would not be able to stand all these impossible people on a day to day basis…” she burst out laughing and she looked up to them who were waiting eagerly to talk to her.

“Come back soon. I don’t think I could handle all these innuendoes too much longer. Give my love to the kids, I’ve got to go. Bye!”

Just then a porter came in and asked her if he should wait for the manager for his payment. She said she would pay him now and asked him how much it was. She took out a fifty rupee note and asked him if he had a ten rupee note. The porter gave her one and she asked her to keep the parcels near the cloakroom and the porter said to her as he was leaving, “There’s a band at Hnahthial because they are not happy with the government for not delivering their promise to them. I think you will have to cancel the bus to Lunglei tonight.”


“Do you mean a Bandh?”

“Yeah, a band.”
And she wondered why the manager had not mentioned that one before and she made a mental note to ask him as soon as he got back after realizing that it was no use to express her anger at the porter who volunteered the message to her.


It was a wonderful view from the window. What people call the Chite River did not look like a river at all but a dying stream instead and I was wondering to myself what would happen to it in a few more years since all the waste of the city on a hill top has nowhere to go as people don’t really care about disposing their waste in a proper manner at a proper place. The picture of the Elora caves on the wall reminded me of the almost disastrous college excursion almost eleven years ago. However, my train of thought was disturbed by my good friend as he nudged me towards the booking counter.


After the porter had left she looked at us, not sure of what to expect and then said finally, “What can I do for you?”

“Where is Zawni today?” I asked her casually.

“She’s in Shillong to be with her kids, and I am filling in for her today. So you know each other then?”

“Yes, she was a college classmate. So, who would you be then?”

“I would be her sister at your service.”

“I made a reservation for one seat for today under the name of Mr. Vaninmawia, please can you check it for us?”
“Vaninmawia, Vaninmawia,” she mumbled to herself as she checked a long list of names for the day’s passengers. Mawia watched her intently and he decided that her mouth was too big, but no, if it were smaller than that she would not be as beautiful as she looked to him then. However, he was not happy with her size; she’s a bit too small!


“Oh yeah, too small? Why do you want her to be bigger than she is now?” he rebuked himself and he had no more doubt that she was a beautiful girl. He laughed with a childish delight as he whispered to me of all his opinion about her. Indeed she looked beautiful and there was a freshness about her which was missing in most of the girls he knew. Most of them were too uptight and too worried about not getting married or getting married but poor. But she was fresh and she was beautiful. He did not want to admit to himself that he wanted to use one word to describe her and yet he did. Yes, in a word she was sexy.

“Could it be V.Mawia of Laipuitlang?” she asked to make sure.

And we said in unison, “That’s the one!”


She smiled and brought out the receipt book and started to fill in for us.


There was a short pause in conversation but it was not long at all; can never be when you have a man like V. Mawia with you for company. Well, this is the man who had seen it all and done it all. He begun to talk about his brush with various celebrities but he never really knew them personally. He was just boasting about them infront of the girl and I could see through his scheme. I remembered at that instant the taxi driver who preached to me of how to best do my job. He knew so much that there was hardly a thing I could add to make his speech any better than it already was. And I was supposed to be the expert in it! This world is full of amazing people really.


There are a lot of people who could preach about corruption and I have read a lot of stuffs in the newspapers about how to best run the state, and how to best be rid of corruption and corrupt officials. But nothing’s happening anyway.


When the girl was ready with the ticket he paid her and I thought we were going to walk away from there but it was not to be. He started asking her the things which must be asked by a man to a sexy girl who was there to be asked things. She was a booking clerk after all. Well, she might not be a permanent one but she was one at least for the day, a public servant at his disposal. He could not get away from such an opportunity which was so aptly presented to him at such a time. And then the questions.
“Are you married?”

“No sir, I am not!” she looked shocked and annoyed.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

She blushed and decided not to answer him and thought to herself, “Not again, please!”

“So, where are you from anyway?”

“Tuikual.”

“Oh, Tuikual? Whereabout in Tuikual? How long have you been there? Were you born there?”

“We came from Champhai about ten years ago.”

“Do you know Pu Kawlthuama, the businessman at Kahrawt Veng?”

“Yes I know him and his family. They are very good family friends. Why do you ask?”

“I know someone who lives next to them? Well, she is my second cousin actually.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“Lawmkungi, the wife of Lianhlira. Do you happen to know them?”

“That’s Nu Lawmkungi, my mother’s first cousin.”

“Are you serious? So, is your mother U Sangkimi?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you know me then?”

“No, I don’t think so. Who are you, sir?”

“If you are who you said you are then I am supposed to be your uncle. Call me uncle Mawia. Your mother would be able to tell you more about me.”

At that discovery, important and significant as it was, he lost all his enthusiasm to carry on with the conversation and he signaled me to leave the place and I promptly suggested that we’d leave. He was quick to agree and we left immediately. He did not look back at the girl, who was not to be considered sexy anymore after the revelation.


“You must be very happy to discover your little niece there. She’s a lovely lass for sure.”

He sneered at me and kept quiet most of the time till I dropped him off at Chaltlang. That was the last I see of him during the whole year.

Through Calvary

When birds flew
to their nests
at dusk.
When foxes stole
to their holes
to rest.
When squirrels picked
the last of the nuts.
When deer lie down
to lick the frost
from their coats.
When labourers
left their fields
for homes
in a winter's eve.

Then I, met a man,
a stranger from
Judean hills,
in the cool colonnade
of swaying trees at dusk.

He struggled
step by step,
under the heavy load
of a wooden cross.

"What," I queried,
"is that for?"
"My Master," said he,
"bid me come
and follow Him.
This cross
I carry,
and walk in His steps."

'Twas a moonlit night
and he moved on
under the starry skies.
The clouds arrived
to dim the light.

"I must die," said he,
"to have life,
abundant life,
eternal life."

The night turned
into day.
A day
of bright sunshine,
of clouds and rains,
of all seasons.
He neared his death
day by day.
He left his dreams,
one by one.
And he moved on
to die his death,
towards his home
through Calvary.

I am in your hands

When you devised the minutest block of my life,
When you ordained my coming to life;
And when you finally created me as a being
I know I was in your hands.

When you consecrated the womb that conceived me,
When you instituted the home where I should grow;
And when you decreed the life I should live
I know I was in your hands.

When you let me grow before your eyes,
When you fed me manna for growth;
And when you taught me how to live life
I know I was in your hands.

When you provided me the things I love,
When you granted me my heart's desire;
And when you took away the things I love
I know I was in your hands.

When you let me bleed from my wounds,
When you let me be when I suffer;
And when I rebelled before you like a beast
I know you sustained me.

When I tried to hide myself in sin,
When you patiently waited for me;
And when you never rebuked me in your anger
I know you loved me most.

When you took me to Mount Calvary,

When you opened my eyes to see the cross;
And when you showed me your nail-pierced hands,
I know you died for me.

Now why do I feel this peace inside,

In the midst of life's twists and turns,
With the seemingly dark and gloomy future?
I am not afraid of the coming storm
Because I am in your hands.

My Lord and my Saviour,
I love you,
Because you loved me
first.
I am ignorant and foolish,
Direct my path and lead me in the way
That is everlasting.

Amen.

Hong Kong Ahoy!

Arrival

Lindsay warned us that the red taxis are the urban ones and they are less likely to know where Sai O was and that it would be better for us to take the green ones since they were local to the New Territories and most of them by now know where the college was. Upon arrival my sweetheart and I consulted one another and decided that it was the red ones, not the green ones that he advised us to take. So, in we go, like sheep to the slaughter and rode the red one and the flag fall was 12.50 Hong Kong Dollars and we were told that it costs about 50 HK $ to get to our destination. Soon after the ride the meter read 50 Dollars but the driver showed no sign of slowing down and he sped on and we began to get a bit uneasy. But thinking that the amount may not be exactly $ 50, let’s wait a bit and then we can talk to Jane, so we thought. After reaching the bank of Sai kung village the meter read 140 dollars and we were then almost sure of either this that the driver had no idea of where he was going or he was trying to rip us off.

We talked to him in Putonghua (Mandarin) which he understood a bit but talked to us mostly in Cantonese which was Greek to us. Upon departure he did speak to someone on the radio and he got a response and was told the whereabouts but now we were lost and angry too. We rang up Jane and she talked to the driver and gave him a new direction and the driver took us back which was basically driving back the same way. 

When we reached Sai O junction we decided to get down and perhaps talk to Jane and may be get another taxi or wait for them to pick us up. We appeared very angry and upset and talked to the driver and insisted on paying him 50 dollars since that was what people usually pay from the University station anyway. Surprisingly enough, he was okay with the amount and he went off leaving us quite relieved in a way. We had thought that we were really in for it but to get off rather so easily was unbelievable and we just shot off a quick thank you note upwards. Just then a Caucasian looking guy was by and seemed like he was looking for someone, when he saw us getting off the cab with our backpacks he enquired if we were us, and we were so happy to see him. That was our first meeting of Lindsay, a colleague whom we have never met before. We also met his wife Jane on the way to the campus and she was so kind to cook us dinner as it was already getting a bit late to go elsewhere.

Entry
Hong Kong is one of the few foreign shores where you don’t need a visa even as an Indian passport holder. We do a bit better than Pakistan whose nationals need a visa to enter the city, but we are in the same categories as the Bangladeshis who can enter and stay for 14 days without a visa. As we crossed the border at Shenzhen we were held up at the immigration for about half an hour and were asked various questions which annoyed us a bit. It was more or less understandable since we heard of many stories about Indians and other illegal immigrants living in Hong Kong. The immigration and the taxi experiences put us off initially but the kindness and hospitality we received from Jane and Lindsay really made our day and we rest happily in our room at night.

Cost
Hong Kong is not that expensive if you think in terms of American Dollars, but for people like us who think in terms of Renminbi, things could be quite expensive. For example, a litre of milk costs 5 Renminbi in the mainland but here it costs 15 Dollars, that’s three times over. This is not expensive at all for the locals because they earn much more than the mainlanders. It will be more expensive if things are in terms of INR. What Lonely Planet said about the city becoming pricier is quite right.

Food is really expensive here but more familiar dishes could be found and there are quite a few Indian restaurants as well. Signs and menus are bilingual and a number of people speak English and this is such a great relief because as soon as you cross the border at Shenzhen, which is just half an hour away you could become a complete illiterate and also not too many people speak English. Transport in Hong Kong is excellent and most of the important places are accessible by either the Mass Transit Railway or the KCR. Octopus card is a necessity for people who are going to stay for more than two or three days. The card is accepted in a number of shops, ferry, buses and trains. You can get back the remaining amount of money and the rent (50 HKD) before you leave the city.

Places
There are many interesting places to visit in the New Territories, Kowloon, Hong Kong Island, Lantau Island, Lamma Island and the outlying smaller islands but the best place to start in our opinion is the Victoria Peak. There’s a tram that goes up the peak every few minutes and the round trip will cost you 33 dollars which is a pittance when you consider the magnificent view it affords you from the Peak Tower. This trip is a must especially on a clear sunny day which we didn’t get when we were there. Pity!

We accidentally found out that most of the museums offer free entry on Wednesday including the Space Museum and the Art Museum. In the space museum, however, if you want to see the Omnimax show you have to pay around 20 dollars for the front stalls. The show was quite interesting. Walking along the Tsim Sha Tsui promenade that include the Avenue of Stars was a wonderful experience with the latest addition being a sculpture of Bruce Lee which was the right answer to the otherwise empty avenue. There you can trace Jackie Chan’s handprint which turned out to be quite large and also Jet Li’s and other famous Chinese stars and directors. The Ferry ride across the Hong Kong harbour was an experience to remember not only for its unbelievably low price (of 2 HK $ for the top desk) but for the wonderful view and experience it affords you for eight minutes.

There are so many interesting sights to see in Hong Kong that we realized we must need much more than a week to see all the interesting aspects of the city.

Information
The HKTB provides many booklets laden with priceless tourist information free of cost and make sure you pick them up at the airport or the border crossing at Shenzhen. They also provide a very informative tourist map and make sure you get the MTR, KCR and Ma On Shan Railway routes. The tourist information booklet will have the location of most of the important destinations right down to which exit you have to take in the subway and also which bus can get you to there.

Shopping
Lindsay introduced us to this saying about Hong Kong: If it’s not in Hong Kong, it may not be invented yet. This is a very unique city in the world where mostly anything could be found. You can shop till you drop here, literally. The business minded people mostly go to the whole sale market where you can find a lot of African (mostly Nigerians I guess) importers but not too many retail shops though. The Ladies’s Night Market has enough to drive any lady out of her mind for want of more money to buy more, and the Temple Street Market is as good a place as any in terms of choice and price but bring along your mastered art of bargaining.

Somebody was realy glad to find an Indian shop run by a Nepali family who sells things Indian mostly including jalebi and rosagulla and some Indian DVDs as well. However, we weren’t upto buying the red lentils (Dal) which was available for HK $ 160 a kilogram! That is 896 Indian Rupees, my word, that’s just way too much! Don’t be surprised if you see some Indian children playing crickets in the parks because a lot of Indians have settled down here since some of them came in here as British soldiers more than a hundred years ago and many other Indians are illegal immigrants as well. You might meet some of them trying to sell you ‘copy watch, copy watch’ as you walk along the touristic areas like Tsim Sha Tsui.

For those of you who are really into shopping you should drop into the Chinese embassy to get a visa to the mainland and go to Shenzhen where you can find most of the things you want at half the Hong Kong price. However, be prepared to face the crowd which can get really crazy and so much denser than it is in Hong Kong.

Pollution
A lot of Hong Kongers are complaining about the quality of air in Hong Kong which has become very polluted in recent years mainly due to the factory smoke from the neighbouring Guangdong province in the mainland China. But when you dig deeper into it you realize that most of the factories in Guangdong are owned by the Hong Kong businessmen. There you go, as people sow, so they do reap, don’t they? Ha-ha.

What is sad though is the pollution of some of the beaches here. Some of them are so polluted that people don’t swim anymore. Well, I don’t know too much to write more about that but that’s what people say anyway.

Hong Kong provides a wonderful get away and it’s friendly and accessible for everyone, that’s its uniqueness and its beauty.

Tlabung

In talking about where I come from I have to do a little Bryson here. Since he's done it so well, thought I'd borrow his absolutely brilliant style just to begin this little write-up.

I come from Tlabung. I had to.

Somebody like me had to come from a place like Tlabung. A place which 

everyone knows has wealth and prosperity, good soil, vast arable land, but nobody actually wants to live there because of the heat and humidity in the summer.

Every Mizo soul tries to avoid a damp, marshy, hot, suffocating river valley since time immemorial. Our forefathers always built their villages on top of the hills to avoid the marauding mosquitoes, flies and raid from an enemy village. A place like Tlabung is the perfect example of what kind of place to avoid if you ever want to survive, stay healthy and have a normal life. And that is where I am from. Somebody had to have the courage to live in a place like that, I didn't but my grandpa did, that's why I had to come from there.

Once you get used to the place you'd never want to leave again. There was one English bloke who came to Tlabung in 1872 and established the township right then and there. He made his home right at the centre of the town (it was the centre because there was no other housing then until more people settled there sometime later). He had to live there because the place had such a wonderful charm where the air, the soil and the river were rife with life and life-breeding things. Little things bring great pleasure, and you get closer to mother nature in such a place. Little things like a gentle breeze that cools your forehead when you sweat would bring you great pleasure and satisfaction in such a place. It's no wonder why a bloke like Lt. T.H. Lewin chose to settle there, and why a bloke like me had to come from there.

Once you are in Tlabung, either you accept the fact that you cannot escape from it and got married with a girl named Liani and stay there for ever, or complain about its inescapability and got married with some girl named Liani and stay there forever and would never give a care about what you have missed or what people enjoy doing in the outside world because Tlabung is a world in itself. Do you have a famous friend, a celebrity, or someone who is in the news for the wrong reason, who complains about life because of the ever hungry media or paparazzi? Did they ever tell you that they want to escape from all the bright lights and the constant invasion of
their privacy? Ask them again if they are really serious. Are they? Okay, you have come to the right place. I can direct you to a place which is truly out of the world, serene, quiet, peaceful, beautiful and still interesting. This is the place to go if your celebrity friends are truly dead serious about escaping the limelight.

The place itself is a legend galore where legendary men and women roam freely without seeking for any recognition of their achievements. They just want to be normal people, not heroes you see on Television and read about in the newspapers. These guys are cool. Truly a place where unsung heroes and underachievers abound. Someone you see on the roadside, babysitting his daughter could be a guy famed for killing an elephant with a small wooden club. Or he could well 
be someone who had dived seventy feet in the water without any aid, I am serious man, no scuba diving! So, talk to these people but modestly, and never mention your achievements because you'd never know when you sit next to someone who had been there, done that, much more than you ever did, or will ever do. I come from such a place, hot and humid, easy to avoid, but hard to ingnore and escape once you are in it.

Why is it that we look at someone and say "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" and not look at himself and his personality? May be we are simply talking in recognition of the importance our environment plays in shaping us as the persons we are now. Paul was a Roman citizen by birth and people were impressed by his citizenship because Rome then was the capital of the world, no mean city at all.

Parisians boast of being there so do Londoners. Shanghainese look down upon all the other Chinese souls, proud of their city, of their heritage. Some Aizawlites are just being Aizawlites if and when they think and talk in a way which put down Mizos from any other place. Well, a city always has a founder (before him no one else was), that means all the other settlers now are simply immigrants - it's simply a matter of how long ago. And the greatness of a city is always relative. For someone who is looking for a greater city it does not matter where you come from. Be it Tlabung or Timbuktu, Lunglei or London, Aizawl or Aibawk, it's all the same really. As citizens of Heaven, we are all just passing through, we are just touring the world - we are on our way home now. It's a wee bit better up there I am told and 'wee' is always relative!

A New Beginning

He came from the northern part of China, from a small town called Hequ, in the northwestern Shanxi province at the intersection of the Yellow River and the Great Wall. His father was a very ambitious man and he had sent him here to this University to become a succesful engineer and bail the family out of poverty. He said they were going to work hard and sacrifice whatever it takes for him to become successful so he could help his family in turn, especially his younger sister whose birth had cause economic punishment to his parents and it had been truly hard for them.


When he first arrived in Xi'an the city lights proved too bright and too glaring for him and it was hard to adjust to life in the University. He had to share a small room with three other students who came from different parts of the country. Above his bunk was Steven Chen from Shanghai, who failed to get his first choice College and ended up in this University in this ‘small’ city of seven million people. Next to him was Wang Xiaohui, a bright student from Zhejiang province. And then there was Tang Zhexiang, the guy who had it all – money, talent, girlfriends and connections. He was hardly in the dormitory.

They were all thrown together in this congested place and they could hear each other’s sleep-talks and could almost see through each other’s thought. However, they were well aware that they had it much easier than the undergraduates who had to share the same room with seven other students. It was Steven Chen who gave him his English name Tommy Wang as English speaking University students are wont to do. Having an English name had become fashionable again after a decade of Cultural Revolution, during which it was considered bourgeois.

It was when he first spotted her inside the Chemistry class that he realized how beautiful and lovely she was. No one could have missed that. She seemed so damn good and so perfect that she never actually registered in his mind. She simply was out of bounds for him; don’t even think about her – everything’s going to be in vain anyway. Just ignore her. Beatiful things are beautiful. They are to be cherished and engaged in if only you have the means to enjoy and cherish them. Rich people can have them. Successful people can have them. There are enough rich people and successful people who could make the first move before he did. He knew that too well. He simply had to concentrate on his studies and think about his family back home. His farming father, who tilled the ground, planted the crops and sweated for him to be here.

He was mildly surprised to notice her training her camera on him- the silver coloured Sony digital camera. That was the first surprise. He remembered the University sports. It was in April, that beautiful spring. He was always a good runner even though he hated to run a race in a competition. He enjoyed running when he ran on his own will, at his own pace on the way to the Yellow River near his hometown. It was truly beautiful there. But there she was taking his photograph even though he had not won anything. He was gasping for air after the 1,500 meter race. The other runners were lying on their backs and he could hear the spectators shouting and celebrating the winner of the tighly contested race. But in the end his breathing drowned all the other noises. Her eyes seemed to be completely fixed on him and a smile of surprise broke on her face as he caught her eyes and she turned red at that fleeting moment of time. That was the second surprise. Why should she blush at all? Was she ashamed of being caught, looking at a lowly scum like him? Admiring? Not a chance.

It was hard for him to initiate a conversation and it took them sometime to muster up enough courage to strike up a conversation yet when they did it was more like they always knew each other since Adam, and it wasn’t hard to see why they talk to each other at all. The boyfriend was ignored; he never seemed to exist anyway even though he was often used as an excuse to mislead friends about them seeing each other. He never met him and he was glad about that. He remembered the collonades, the green lawns, the lake and the hidden paths in the woods - the places where they often took those secret evening walks. Hand in hand. If this was not love what is? They loved.

“Why do you use me like this?”

He was trying to understand why they were together, and why she was with someone like him in the first place.

“Use you? What do you mean?”

Yes, there was nothing to argue about that. The word could not have been understood in that context. He knew she wasn’t after his money or his wealth and she knew he had none. Physical pleasure? Well, she had a steady boyfriend of five years. Did she find pleasure out of the thrill in two-timing her boyfriend? Was she looking for an escape from boredom? But what was the spark that he saw in her eyes whenever she was with him? He wasn’t sure. To him she was genuine. There was no guile about her. She was the standard by which everything should be measured – beauty and brain, virtue and love – and everything else.



“I saw a very beautiful thing in you. I just need to have that beauty even if it’s only for awhile.”
That was all she said. And then they needed no other reason to be together. Together, they were the reason. That was all that they needed. It was a tear of happiness then. A tear of joy for the taste of heaven because heaven had made this happen.

They knew it could never be and it could never last. And then it never happened and it never
lasted. It never was. Those three months, they never were. It was lovely. She was lovely. He remembered the velvetty soft lips, the softest that ever were and will ever be. Yet, they never were.

“It’s now we say goodbye. It’s here we say goodbye.”
Those dreaded words were uttered after three stolen months of togetherness. They said goodbye in that very spot. They said goodbye online. They said goodbye in the air. They texted. They said goodbye as if they were not really saying goodbye yet they knew that they were saying goodbye for the last time.

“Baby!”

“Oh, baby!”

Then it stopped. It stopped abruptly as it had started. Everything ceased to be. Time stood still. That was the end of the non-existing three months- the stolen ones. It was finished, done with, completed and now to be thrown out forever. To be trampled and forgotten. That was one, no, two years and three months ago. Why did he still remember that? It’s been two years, three months, two weeks and five days to be exact. He could even name the hour; even the very minute and the exact second if someone were to document it as a fact. Forgotten? Forgotten.

Soon it turned into tears of sadness. It was wiser to hold them back than to shed as it was totally meaningless. Still it could not be helped and there were moments when they let go and tears would just flow out of the endless source. It was truly painful. He knew it broke her too. How did he know? Well, how could he not know when they were of one body and soul? Dreams and nightmares often came together and he found it hard to pin down which was which.

It was Steven who spotted her from their table. She wore her hair short and she was with her friends. She was wearing a black jacket, that black jacket on that racing day. It’s been two years since he last saw her. He knew she was around yet he did not want to know nor want to see her anymore. It seemed like they were discussing whether to eat in that restaurant or not. She was just observing her friends and it looked like she was okay with whatever they would decide. That was so much her- she was a follower, reserved, considerate, and just so gentle. He recalled a thousand things about her at that very moment. This unexpectant reapperance and sight was giving him more trouble than he had thought. It was hard to pretend like it didn’t matter. His fingers ached from the longing to just hold her hand. Three months of togetherness - a thing that never happened, a time that never existed, stolen from the gods - had left him with a lifetime of memories. Impossible memories. The sight of her behind, the side look, the sad eyes, the forced smile, the pretension of being happy with that motley group of friends was too much to bear. He knew she was not what she appeared to be. To not be seen and recognised by the love of his life was excruxiating. It killed him and he died many times before they finally left for another place to eat.

Nothing much made an impression on him. It was mostly the pain of seeing her face again. He was trying hard to hide his feelings but if you look closely and carefully in his face you could see the pain and the longing for something that was never his and will never be, yet for so brief a time it was fully his and it could have been his forever if he had made that decision. However, he had chosen to let it go and so it remained even now. It was the thrill, the excitement and the hard-to-describe feeling that stayed with him throughout the evening.

His world had stopped for the past two years. He had stopped to exist. He mulled over what had happened. His mind was filled with what ifs, the what ifs of wishful nature. Then things did not make sense anymore. Existence does not make sense at all. Life simply stopped to be, and it was simply meaningless. He grew more comfartable with death, and the idea of living was not attractive anymore. And so he was like that, courting suicide, so very closely before he realised what was happening.

That’s when he met him. This rather cheerful man, babbling away about things he hardly understood. He could not understand much because the man was talking to him in English since he was his oral English teacher. It was not long before he stopped attending all the other classes except the English class. For reason unknown to him he kept going back to the class even if it meant dragging himself out of bed every morning at dawn, even when it snowed, and still dark and cold in the winter. He sometimes participated in some of the activities even though he did not fully understand or comprehend or see the usefulness of those activities. Half of the time he was just day-dreaming about what could be, would be, must be, should be or might have been.

“Tommy, why don’t you take part in this activity?”
He had been dreaming again.

“Uh uhhh”

“I want you to try and talk with your group mates, don’t waste your time.”
He just gave him a blank stare.

“What are you thinking about? You seem to be lost in thoughts. What is your
problem?”

He was not sure if he should tell him. Could he trust this man? At the end of the class he decided to talk to him. He summoned all his courage and went up to the teacher and apologised for his strange behaviour. He told him that he had not been himself because of what he had been through. Yes, because the love of his life had left him for good. As he poured out his soul it was hard to not feel his agony. The teacher heard him – he heard the sound of a broken heart, beating, loud and clear. Then he said to him what he hardly understood.

“I’ll pray for you Tommy. I am truly sorry. I’ll pray for you”
'Pray for him? What did he mean pray for him?' He left, feeling uncertain.

The semester ended and he had lost his purpose in life. What was he to tell his family, especially his father? That he was going to give up eveything for love? That he could not go on with his life anymore? Could he tell him that? When he got home for the Spring Festival he was so desperate to get back to her. To leave the University and the city was like leaving the home he had known all his life. It’s all because of her. Then the realisation struck him that it was truly over. There was no going back; there’s no way back to her.

Going home proved to be good for him in the end. He was back where he belongs and it did him good. Being surrounded with familiar things and familiar people was wonderful. And somehow he seemed to get a new hope from an unknown source. It was as if he was lifted out of the muddy waters of his sad existence. He could feel a gentle hand lifting him up and leading him to the right path. He was not sure what was happening to him. Somebody must have been praying for him!

When he got back to the University after two months of winter holidays things looked more beautiful and cheerful to him. It was not so much about things but what he felt inside, and his change of attitude that made things look different. He decided to start everything anew and he came to love his life more than ever before. The first time the class really got to see the new Tommy was when they organised a trek to the mountains. As they climbed up a two thousand metre high mountain, it was Tommy who chatted with the teacher all the way, literally non-stop to everyone’s surprise and delight. Even his English improved dramatically only within a matter of two months. He was talking about almost everything – confessing and owning up his lowly insignificant and painful existence, of how he almost gave up everything because of her. The teacher was happy to see him getting back to his normal self which he always saw in him even as he drowned himself in the mire of sorrow.

After all his efforts to start anew had failed this fresh new hope had given him a solid start and he was truly grateful for it even though he did not know where it came from or what or who had given him.

Well, not just yet.